I recall very clear that my father and I were in Orange County near Disneyland. That was when I was 15 years old. We stayed at the hotel in Anaheim, CA.
During our one week vacation, my father asked me what was the name of my grandmother's friend, who was overweight and had four children. I knew who he was asking about. I replied that it was Rosie.
To my surprise, he called me "You are fat like her." Of course, I felt insulted when he gave me that comment! It is true that I was just right... not overweight at all.
Based on my perspective, it was not courtesy (not a gentleman) for him to be blunt and to label me. This left me a great scar on my mind, which was absolutely no way for me to completely forget that incident.
In addition, I remember that he used to call me that I am fat several times in the middle of 1990's when I was a little older.
As a result, I had difficult time to forgive him.
And I spoke with an advocate in regards to my concern.
What I have learned is that since my father was a full Cuban, he was probably under an oppression at his workplace at Seattle waterfront. He used to work as a Longshoreman..
Perhaps it was normal for Latins to be blunt with their loved ones and share based on what they see in them.
Still I was raised to learn how to be polite with people, who I associate with such as my family members, friends, and colleagues.
He probably put an oppression on me since I am his only deaf daughter.
Since he passed away,, I continued to feel resent based on how he treated me especially with his label toward me for years.
Fast forward to just a few months ago, while I was on my way to my appointment over West Seattle Bridge, something hit me hard. It brought me some precious memories when I was young, a teenager, and an adult. And I received a prompting that I knew that my father loves me in his own way. It was who he was as a person.
Yeah right. His strange way of unconditional love toward me.
So, I learned to accept of who he was. There was absolutely no way for me try to change him.
Benefit of my story is that some people were raised in different kinds of culture and probably learned something from their family members or/and friends, which they think it is all right to be blunt and say something impolitely. It is based on who they are as individuals.
Some people, who are unable to recognize of how they are treating others. Sometimes they can be stubborn. There is no way we can help them to change. Only if they have desire to change themselves.